some thoughts.

homesick.

2010-11-19T11:26:00.003-05:00

i've never been one to get homesick, but there's something about this cooler weather has nurtured within me the nostalgia for gainesville that i've felt since i left my home in may.

i lived in a house with friends who brought me so much joy that even when we could see our breath inside our forty-seven-degree home, our love for one another kept our hearts warm and our spirits high. i miss the slow mornings filled with books and coffee and genuine conversation with my two best friends. bike rides to campus even when we arrived smelly and drenched with sweat or with numb fingers that fumbled to work bike locks. the smell of the plaza as we lay in the grass and ate our sabzi and soaked up every last bit of dressing. i always anticipated the end of the day and returning to our cozy home. there was something indescribably beautiful about the way the sun set through the giant oak in our front yard and the way the light danced on our walls, strong at first, then faint, then fading into nothing. i miss the anticipation of out-of-town guests coming to share in our simple lives. fires that warmed our socked-covered toes. the sharing of home-cooked meals and some of the best local food i've ever experienced.

i worked with some of the most genuine people i've ever known. and i experienced the love of Christ through their humble spirits and eagerness to serve even when it wasn't convenient. some of my best memories are held within those four walls. the csc became a home to me long before gainesville was. relationships were cultivated there that taught me to think critically about myself, my faith and my culture and gave me a drive to be in constant growth.

i learned from some of the most inspiring professors who completely redefined my idea of education. some helped to transform my justice-driven, idealistic spirit into one that was more aware and better understood the complexities and failures of our welfare system and capitalistic society. others developed and encouraged within me a passion for the spanish language and a desire to better understand and act upon the injustices in central america. still others introduced me to photojournalists like w. eugene smith and taught me to combine my passions and talents to create words and images that could inspire the change i so desired.

it's hard for me to believe that i will honestly experience growth and community like that again. my time in gainesville, and especially my last two years, were so beautiful. i remember experiencing such inexplicable joy and finding pleasure in small things like making coffee for my friends and talking on my porch with unexpected visitors. i was so ready to be done with school that i fear i failed to recognize the community that has sprouted up, grown and then flourished around me. i've never felt so blessed to have been a part of so many beautiful lives. i am thankful for the community that God is growing up around me in this new city, but i desperately miss the relationships and experiences i was blessed with in gainesville. moving from one season to the next has always been something i've anticipated, but this time i feel such a deep sorrow in the pit of my stomach when i think about what i have left behind.

i love you all very much. thank you for being a part of my life and for allowing me to be a part of yours.

the discipline of simplicity.

2010-07-18T10:13:00.002-04:00

it is time that we awaken to the fact that conformity to a sick society is to be sick. until we see how unbalanced our culture has become at this point, we will not be able to deal with the mammon spirit within ourselves nor will we desire christian simplicity. the psychosis permeates even our mythology. the modern hero is the poor boy who purposefully becomes rich rather than the rich boy who voluntarily becomes poor. (we still find it hard to believe a girl could do either!) covetousness we call ambition. hoarding we call prudence. greed we call industry.

(richard j. foster.)

las frutas del espíritu.

2010-06-20T22:16:00.005-04:00

amor.

alegría.

paz.

paciencia.

amabilidad.

bondad.

fidelidad.

humildad.

y dominio propio.

necesito todas de las frutas.

cuando estoy sola, soy nada.

no puedo hacer nada bueno sin ti.

necesito Su Amor.

Su Alegría.

Su Paz.

Su Paciencia.

Su Amabilidad.

Su Bondad.

Su Fidelidad.

Su Humildad.

Su Dominio Propio

el me ha dado mucho más que merezco.

no puedo decir "gracias" bastante.

a reminder from the past.

2010-06-06T11:06:00.003-04:00

i love reading old journal entries. they remind me of where i've come from, who i've once been and who i've wanted to become. today i read an entry from october 2007. it's something i need to be reminded of constantly.

23 october 2007.

i am pursuing to become someone who is:

passionate.

joyful.

humble.

disciplined.

fearless.

driven.

encouraging.

a defender of the gospel.

loving.

intense.

intentional.

courageous.

inspiring.

mobilized.

purposeful.

thankful.

appointed.

obedient.

compelling.

determined.

transformed.

confident.

gracious.

(help me to continue to seek these things, Lord.)

sometimes my heart aches when i think of berlin.

2010-05-18T22:48:00.008-04:00

i've spent a lot of my birthday thinking about my twenty-first in berlin.

i miss that place so much.

the language.

the people.

the food.

the experiences.

everything.

i remember walking to the u-bahn my last day there.

trying to soak up every last bit of berlin i could.

listening to music just to try to link the city to something,

something to help it still feel alive inside me.

i thought my longing to be there would fade away,

but a year later, i'm still remembering.

still wanting to go back.

very few places have brought such contentment to my life.

(berlin, hopefully one day i will return.)

a bit of wisdom from a classmate.

2010-04-23T15:19:00.003-04:00

the walls we build around us to keep out the sadness

also keep out the joy.

fruits.

2010-04-13T19:16:00.004-04:00

the fruit of silence is prayer.

the fruit of prayer is faith.

the fruit of faith is love.

the fruit of love is service.

the fruit of service is peace.

(mother teresa.)

authenticity. empowerment.

2010-04-10T00:58:00.003-04:00

it wasn’t until recently, once i had begun to evaluate my own life outside of societal constraints, that i was able to begin contemplating the way i want to live. when i am living as i was intended, i can feel it deep within my soul. peace: undeniable. indescribable. consuming.

i don’t think you can truly know what it means to live authentically until you discover your roots. the source of your strength. where your meaning resides.

the only way i believe i can live an authentic life is to live a life centered on love, on hope. through him, i can live authentically because through him i was intended to live.

the more i learn, the more i discover the simplicity he desires for us. a life without the worries and cares of the world. a life focused on love. on peace. on things that have significance and can make a difference.

it is then and only then, in brief moments of this clarity, that i am empowered.

frolicking with friends.

2010-04-06T10:43:00.002-04:00

by michael dalton.

two or three things.

2010-04-05T19:39:00.005-04:00

two or three things i know for sure,

and one is that i would rather go naked

than wear the coat the world has made for me.

(dorothy allison.)

day ten: a body of broken bones.

2010-02-28T12:50:00.002-05:00

but i cannot treat other men as men unless i have compassion for them. i must have at least enough compassion to realize that when they suffer they feel somewhat as i do when i suffer. and if for some reason i do not spontaneously feel this kind of sympathy for others then it is God's will that i do what i can to learn how. i must learn to share with others their joys, their sufferings, their needs, their desires. i must learn to do this not only in the cases of those who are of the same class the same profession, the same race, the same nation as myself, but when men who suffer belong to other groups, even to groups that are regarded as hostile. if i do this, i obey God. if i refuse to do it, i disobey Him.

(thomas merton.)

i heart the new york times.

2010-02-25T20:23:00.002-05:00

day six: pray for your own discovery.

2010-02-24T00:06:00.003-05:00

although God lives in the souls of men who are unconscious of Him, how can i say that i have found Him and found myself in Him if i never know Him or think of Him, never take any interest in Him or seek Him or desire His presence in my soul? what good does it do to say a few formal prayers to Him and then turn away and give all my mind and all my will to created things, desiring only ends that fall short of Him? even though my soul may be justified, yet if my mind does not belong to Him then I do not belong to Him either. if my love does not reach out toward Him but scatters itself in His creation, it is because i have reduced His life in me to the level of a formality, forbidding it to move me with a truly vital influence.

(thomas merton.)

day two: what contemplation is not.

2010-02-19T11:04:00.003-05:00

we must remember that this superficial "i" is not our real self. it is our "individuality" and our "empirical self" but it is not truly the hidden and mysterious person in whom we subsist before the eyes of God. the "i" that works in the world, thinks about itself, observes its own reactions and talks about itself is not the true "i" that has been united to God in Christ. it is at best the vesture, the mask, the disguise of that mysterious and unknown "self" whom most of us never discover until we are dead. our external, superficial self is not eternal, not spiritual. far from it. this self is doomed to disappear completely as sure as smoke from a chimney. it is utterly frail and evanescent. contemplation is precisely the awareness that this "i" is really "not i" and the awakening of the unknown "i" that is beyond observation and reflection and is incapable of commenting upon itself.

(thomas merton.)

i do not seek to find myself;

rather i seek to know Him.

only then i will truly know who i am.

television.

2010-02-08T14:46:00.005-05:00

[she's quickly becoming one of my favorites.]

i became interested in television in the fifth or sixth grade. or rather, i should say that that was about the time television started to corrode my brain. you name any stupid show that existed back in those days and it was probably one of my favorites. "ozzie and harriet," "leave it to beaver," "donna reed," "father knows best," "bachelor father," "lassie," etc. after a while i wanted to be just like those people on television. after all, they were what families were supposed to be like.

why didn't my mother have freshly baked cookies ready when i came home from school? why didn't we live in a house with a backyard and a front yard instead of an ole apartment? i remember looking at my mother as she cleaned the house in her old raggedy housecoat with her hair in curlers. "how disgusting," i would think. why didn't she clean the house in high heels and shirtwaist dresses like they did on television? i began to resent my chores. the kids on television never had any work to do. all they did was their homework and then they went out to play. they never went to the laundromat or did the shopping. they never had to do the dishes or scrub the floor or empty the garbage. they didn't even have to make their own beds. and the kids on television got everything they wanted. their parents never said, "i don't have the money, i can't afford it." i had very little sympathy for my mother. it never occurred to me that she worked all day, went to school at night, cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed, raised two children, and, in her "spare" time, graded tests and papers and wrote her thesis. i was furious with her because she wasn't like donna reed.

and of course the commercials took another toll. i wanted everything i saw. my mother always bought brand x. i would be so exasperated when we went shopping. i wanted her to buy hostess twinkies and silvercup white bread. instead, she bought whole wheat bread and apples. she would never get good cereals like sugar crunchies and coco puffs. she always bought some stuff that was supposed to be good for us. i thought she was crazy. if hostess twinkies were good enough for the kids on tv, then why weren't they good enough for me? but my mother remained unmoved. and i remained disgusted. i was a puppet and i didn't even know who was pulling the strings.

(assata shakur.)

i believe in living.

2010-02-03T23:37:00.001-05:00

i believe in living.
i believe in the spectrum
of beta days and gamma people.
i believe in sunshine.
in windmills and waterfalls,
tricycles and rocking chairs.
and i believe that seeds grow into sprouts.
and sprouts grow into trees.
i believe in the magic of the hands.
and in the wisdom of the eyes.
i believe in rain and tears.
and in the blood of infinity.

i believe in life.
and i have seen the death parade
march through the torso of the earth,
sculpting mud bodies in its path.
i have seen the destruction of the daylight,
and seen bloodthirsty maggots
prayed to and saluted.

i have seen the kind become the blind
and the blind become the bind
in one easy lesson.
i have walked on cut grass.
i have eaten crow and blunder bread
and breathed the stench of indifference.

i have been locked by the lawless.
handcuffed by the haters.
gagged by the greedy.
and, if i know anything at all,
it's that a wall is just a wall
and nothing more at all.
it can be broken down.

i believe in living.
i believe in birth.
i believe in the sweat of love
and in the fire of truth.

and i believe that a lost ship,
steered by tired, seasick sailors,
can still be guided home
to port.

(assata shakur.)

forgiveness.

2010-02-02T06:24:00.001-05:00

let us forgive the worst among us

because the worst is in ourselves,

the worst lives in each of us,

along with the best.

let us forgive the worst

in each of us

and all of us

so that the best

in each of us

and all of us

may be free.

(leonard peltier.)

blu and david ellis.

2010-01-21T09:26:00.004-05:00

i saw this last weekend and completely forgot to post it.

it's one of the coolest things i've ever seen.

that i may send out my roots as well.

2009-12-16T01:14:00.006-05:00

"blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
he is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when the heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit."

the heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
"I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds."

(jeremiah 17:7-10.)

2009-12-13T21:18:00.001-05:00

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
o divine Master,
grant that i may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
amen.
(saint francis of assisi.)

lia ices.

2009-12-09T12:45:00.005-05:00

heard about her through my friend, lukas.
her voice is unreal.

a little more grace.

2009-12-02T10:38:00.006-05:00

there's a homeless man who comes into the csc on a regular basis.
he's not the friendliest character,
and i often don't appreciate the way he speaks to me.
he's rather terse.
sometimes completely unresponsive.
oftentimes simply rude.

a friend of mine once reminded me:
if i really believe everyone to be equally deserving of love,
then my actions should reveal that,
not loving one group over another.

yesterday he was most certainly not in good spirits
and was rather coarse,
but by the grace of God,
i was able to be patient and treat him with dignity.

it's funny, really.

if this man had been anyone else,
i know i would not have been as kind.
and i most certainly would not have been as understanding
or forgiving.

as he walked out the door, americano in hand,
i was reminded of what my friend once said,
and i heard a small voice inside of me say:
perhaps you should show everyone a little more grace.

thank you, advent conspiracy.

2009-11-26T23:45:00.003-05:00

a friend just posted this, but i felt compelled to as well.
i have been dissatisfied with the holiday for years.
i'm so glad that others feel the same.

perfect.

2009-11-26T23:29:00.002-05:00

voluntourism.

2009-11-06T20:26:00.003-05:00

"they come here thinking they are going to give something to us, but many discover that instead they receive, from people who have almost nothing, a new experience of faith, hope and love."
[dámaris albuquerque.]

"if they come to 'help,' it won't work. better that they stay where they are. if they are coming to interact, and to help everyone learn something mutually, then welcome!"
[leonardo boff.]

some things never change.

2009-11-02T09:42:00.006-05:00

"as the persecution of the early church began to die out, it was no longer possible to witness for Christ by martyrdom. but the world had not changed its antipathy to the Gospel message, only its tactics. persecution was replaced by assimilation.

"for the desert fathers, the flight to the desert was a way of escaping conformity to the world. the world, including the church, had become so dominated by secular materialism that, for them, the only way to witness against it was to withdraw from it. thomas merton writes in the introduction to his wisdom of the desert, 'society...was regarded by the desert fathers as a shipwreck from which each single individual man had to swim for his life.'

"they were seeking to revive true Christian devotion and simplicity of life by intense renunciation. their experience has particular relevance, because modern society is uncomfortably like the world they attacked so vigorously. their world asked, 'how can i get more?' the desert fathers asked, 'what can i do without?' their world asked, 'how can i find myself?' the desert fathers asked, 'how can i lose myself?' their world asked, 'how can i win friends and influence people?' the desert fathers asked, 'how can i love God?'"

(richard j. foster.
freedom of simplicity.)

lovely weekend.

2009-10-25T22:55:00.007-04:00

friends.
vegan pumpkin pancakes.
friends of the library book sale.
protest with the coalition of immokalee workers.

documentary on ciw at the civic media center.
sweet potato sushi at shooting star.
free tickets to a concert featuring the cutest couple ever.

and quite possibly the highlight:
spending time with mireille,
my photo subject and one of the wisest women i know.
meeting her was such a blessing.

here's a shot i took today.

i didn't take many photos today
but spent a few hours talking with her.
everything about her constantly amazes me.
her honesty.
openness.
experiences.
advice.
spirituality.

note to self: carry an audio recorder at all times.

unwanted but warranted monotony.

2009-10-24T00:40:00.010-04:00

moments relived,
masked as an altered reality.
second, third,
even fourth, time around.

deluded, convinced.
the hopes,
doubts,
disappointments,
have have led to
a pleasantly unfamiliar land.

but oh, the blindness.

running the same foolish circles.
naïvely hoping this hologram creation
is not a creation after all.

the past and present,
[but please no, not the future]
undoubtedly the same.

this monotony could not have been intended.

new found love.

2009-10-20T21:04:00.006-04:00

perhaps we should have listened instead of conquered.

2009-10-15T17:17:00.003-04:00

i saw the documentary FLOW today.
it's something everyone needs to see.

one of the quotes in it was from chief seattle.
his words remind me that as brennan manning said,
there should be no distinction
between mankind and environment.
we are all creation.

“how can you buy or sell the sky, the warmth of the land? the idea is strange to us. if we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them? every part of this earth is sacred to my people. every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every clearing and humming insect is holy in the memory and experience of my people. the sap which courses through the trees carries the memories of the red man...we are part of the earth and it is part of us. the perfumed flowers are our sisters; the deer, the horse, the great eagle, these are our brothers. the rocky crests, the juices in the meadows, the body heat of the pony, and man --- all belong to the same family…this land is sacred to us. this shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water but the blood of our ancestors. if we sell you the land, you must remember that it is sacred, and you must teach your children that it is sacred and that each ghostly reflection in the clear water of the lakes tells of events and memories in the life of my people. the water's murmur is the voice of my father's father. the rivers are our brothers, they quench our thirst. the rivers carry our canoes, and feed our children. if we sell you our land, you must remember, and teach your children, that the rivers are our brothers and yours, and you must henceforth give the rivers the kindness you would give any brother. we know that the white man does not understand our ways. one portion of land is the same to him as the next, for he is a stranger who comes in the night and takes from the land whatever he needs. the earth is not his brother, but his enemy, and when he has conquered it, he moves on. he leaves his father's grave behind, and he does not care. he kidnaps the earth from his children, and he does not care. his father's grave, and his children's birthright are forgotten. he treats his mother, the earth, and his brother, the sky, as things to be bought, plundered, sold like sheep or bright beads. his appetite will devour the earth and leave behind only a desert. i do not know. our ways are different than your ways…the air is precious to the red man for all things share the same breath, the beast, the tree, the man, they all share the same breath. the white man does not seem to notice the air he breathes. like a man dying for many days he is numb to the stench. but if we sell you our land, you must remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports…this we know; the earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth. this we know. all things are connected like the blood which unites one family. all things are connected. even the white man, whose god walks and talks with him as friend to friend, cannot be exempt from the common destiny. we may be brothers after all. we shall see. one thing we know which the white man may one day discover; our god is the same god. you may think now that you own him as you wish to own our land; but you cannot. he is the god of man, and his compassion is equal for the red man and the white. the earth is precious to him, and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator. the whites too shall pass; perhaps sooner than all other tribes. contaminate your bed and you will one night suffocate in your own waste…all things share the same breath - the beast, the tree, the man... the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports. humankind has not woven the web of life. we are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. all things are bound together. all things connect. man does not weave this web of life. he is merely a strand of it. whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.
(chief seattle, chief of the suquamis.)

perhaps we should have listened instead of conquered.

another future is possible.

2009-10-12T21:54:00.001-04:00

"while we were taught history mostly through the lives of kings and presidents, God tells history through the lives of the prophets. the prophets can make and unmake kings. sometimes they have enormous popular support, and sometimes they are voices in the wilderness. but they are the voice of God whether or not the people listen. they speak regardless. and they speak recklessly. they have a profound sensitivity to evil as well as to good. God's fire and love rage through the lips of the prophets. rabbi abraham heschel puts it like this: 'to us a single act of injustice - cheating in business, exploitation of the poor - is slight; to the prophets, a disaster. to us injustice is injurious to the welfare of the people; to the prophets it is a deathblow to existence; to us an episode; to them, a catastrophe, a threat to the world.' after all, a lot is at stake. and sometimes it takes just one voice to interrupt the pattern of injustice.

"the prophets are weird. they set themselves apart from the normalcy of civilization and its pattern of destruction and war. their vocation is to interrupt the status quo. they are set apart as a sign for all of israel that they too are to be unlike the nations. they biblical prophets were always doing wild things - stunts, pranks, and miracles that exposed and unveiled the truth. moses turned a staff into a snake. elijah hit a rock and fire came out of it, and he brought down fire on an altar. jeremiah wore a yoke to symbolize imperial captivity. (he was eventually arrested.) john the baptist ate locusts and made clothes out of camel skin. they stripped naked, ate scrolls, wore sackcloth, and lay on the ground outside of city gates. ezekial pulled off a protest in the nude and staged a prophetic stunt that involved cooking with poop (and not to win money on a reality show). yes, the prophets are weird. it can embarrass us to read of their antics, but what they do is not nearly as embarrassing as the things we do, which their actions expose so we can see that another future is possible."

shane claiborne and chris haw.
(jesus for president.)

oh tallahassee, you make me laugh.

2009-10-10T13:19:00.002-04:00

my parents saved this to show me.
i think it's hysterical.

here's what the text says:

look. if you take a hippie and cross it with kurt cobain and an IT specialist, what you end up with looks something like an idie. indie kids try their best to look like they are not trying at all. call it studied dishevelment.

habits. indies enjoy finiding causes to care about (yet not doing anything to help) and lording over others. it is not uncommon for an idie to be vegetarian or even vegan for at least a few weeks out of the school year.

hangouts. to achieve their slightly work and dirty look, indies shop in thrift stores and goodwill. they can also be found in large concentrations at local coffee shops with their older (college-age) hipster counterparts, and at limited-release or student-made movies.

music. the indie look and name originated from independent (indie) music. they enjoy performers and bands such as bright eyes, modest mouse, halifax, iron and wine, and franz ferdinand. never heard of these? that's the point. indies also are large consumers of college radio.

the girl effect.

2009-09-16T10:38:00.002-04:00

unreal.

2009-09-15T12:44:00.002-04:00

no tengan miedo, mi rebaño pequeño.

2009-09-13T09:44:00.001-04:00

luego dijo Jesús a sus discípulos: por eso les digo: no se preocupen por su vida, qué comerán; ni por su cuerpo, con qué se vestirán. la vida tiene más valor que la comida, y el cuerpo más que la ropa. fíjense en los cuervos: no siembran ni cosechan, ni tienen almacén ni granero; sin embargo, Dios los alimenta. ¡cuánto más valen ustedes que las aves! ¿quién de ustedes, por mucho que se preocupe, puede añadir una sola hora al curso de su vida? ya que no pueden hacer algo tan insignificante, ¿por qué se preocupan por lo demás?

fíjense cómo crecen los lirios. no trabajan ni hilan; sin embargo, les digo que ni siquiera salomón, con todo su esplendor, se vestía como uno de ellos. si así viste dios a la hierba que hoy está en el campo y mañana es arrojada al horno, ¡cuánto más hará por ustedes, gente de poca fe! así que no se afanen por lo que han de comer o beber; dejen de atormentarse. el mundo pagano anda tras todas estas cosas, pero El Padre sabe que ustedes las necesitan. ustedes, por el contrario, busquen el reino de Dios, y estas cosas les serán añadidas.

no tengan miedo, mi rebaño pequeño, porque es la buena voluntad del Padre darles el reino. vendan sus bienes y den a los pobres. provéanse de bolsas que no se desgasten; acumulen un tesoro inagotable en el cielo, donde no hay ladrón que aceche ni polilla que destruya. pues donde tengan ustedes su tesoro, allí estará también su corazón.

(san lucas 12:22-34).

her music makes me inexplicably happy.

2009-09-13T00:39:00.007-04:00

particulary when i am on my bicycle.

a soul resigned.

2009-09-10T08:15:00.002-04:00

"that we ought to give ourselves up to God, with regard both to things temporal and spiritual, and seek our satisfaction only in the fulfilling of His will, whether he lead us by suffering or by consolation, for all would be equal to a soul equally resigned...that to arrive at such resignation as God requires, we should watch attentively over all the passions which mingle as well in spiritual things as in those of a grosser nature; that God would give light concerning those passions to those who truly desire to serve Him."
(brother lawrence.)

thank you, brennan manning.

2009-08-30T12:21:00.000-04:00

“the way we are with each other is the truest test of our faith. how i treat a brother or sister from day to day, how i react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how i respond to interruptions from people i dislike, how i deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the anti-abortion sticker on the bumper of my car.

we are not pro-life simply because we are warding off death. we are pro-life to the extent that we are men and women for others, all others; to the extent that no human flesh is a stranger to us; to the extent that we can touch the hand of another in love; to the extent that for us there are no ‘others.’

today the danger of the pro-life position which i vigorously support is that it can be frighteningly selective. the rights of the unborn and the dignity of the age-worn are pieces of the same pro-life fabric. we weep at the unjustified destruction of the unborn. did we also weep when the evening news reported from arkansas that a black family had been shot-gunned out of a white neighborhood?

one morning i experienced a horrifying hour. i tried to remember how often between 1941 and 1988 i wept for a german or japanese, a north korean or north vietnamese, a sandinista or cuban. i could not remember one. then i wept, not for them, but for myself.

when we laud life and blast abortionists, our credibility as christians is questionable. on one hand we proclaim the love and anguish, the pain and joy that goes into fashioning a single child. we proclaim how precious each life is to god and should be to us. on the other hand, when it is the enemy that shrieks to heaven with his flesh in flames, we do not weep, we are not shamed: we call for more.

the sensitive jew remembers the middle ages: every ghetto structured by christians; every forced baptism, every good friday program, every portrait of shylock exacting his pound of flesh, every identifying dress or hat or badge, every death for conscience's sake, every back turned or shoulder shrugged, every sneer or slap or curse.

with their tragic history as background, it is not surprising that many jews are unimpressed with our anti-abortion stance and our arguments for the sacredness of human life. for they still hear cries of christkiller; the survivors of auschwitz and dachau still feel lashes on their backs; they still see images of human soap, still taste hunger, still smell gas. the history of judaism is a story of caring: they are not sure we care for them."

(brennan manning.)

tents.

2009-08-10T00:57:00.004-04:00

i like the idea of our bodies being tents.
as well as the idea of them being temples.

but i really like the fact that a holy god
would choose to dwell in those tents.

calling all peacemakers.

2009-08-05T23:47:00.003-04:00

a friend gave me a message by rob bell:
calling all peacemakers.
she told me it would speak to my heart.
she was right.

these were some of the statistics he mentioned
that compelled me to questions so many things.

1.2 billion people live on less than 23 cents a day.

the three wealthiest people in the world are american;
their combined wealth exceeds the GNP of
all of the world's developing countries.
that's 600 million people.

twelve percent of the earth's population
uses 85 percent of the water.

forty percent of the world lacks basic sanitation.

one billion people are without safe drinking water.

americans consume 26 billion liters of bottled water annually.

in 2002, twenty-two million people died of preventable diseases.

every 16 seconds someone dies of hunger;
two out of three americans are overweight.

americans spend more annually on trashbags
than nearly 1/2 the world spends on all goods combined.

america is the number one consumer of oil.
we consume 22 million barrels a day.
the next leading consumer is china.
they consume 5.6 million barrels a day.
they also have 1.3 billion people.

the united states holds 42.8 percent of all weapons.

in 2002 the united states spent more on defense
than the next 18 biggest spenders. combined.

the united states spends 200 million a day on the war in iraq.
that is the entire annual GDP of nigeria.

nine billion would provide basic sanitation for the world;
americans spent that just on black friday in 2006.

rob bell said he talked to a pastor in nigeria who said
everyone views the united states as a christian nation.

he also said they are confused.
our actions don't seem to match the teachings of christ.

i think he's right.

2009-05-06T01:15:00.005-04:00

america. over-indulgence. consumerism. oppression. corporation. corruption. sustenance. perversion. necessity. greed. being. vanity.

frustration.

i miss agreement;
i hate defense.

i fear defense.
sometimes it's all that inhibits identification.

only one more week.

2009-05-04T23:28:00.006-04:00

i've been overwhelmed with planning,
especially since i came to tallahassee.
i'm just ready to go. to experience.
mostly i'm just anxious for pictures.

highlights of the day:

two birthday presents from my mom.
a webcam to chat when i'm in europe.
and a corkscrew for my 21st.

and pictures of my cousin's soccer game.
i am so thankful for that boy.

love me some banksy.

2009-05-04T01:10:00.002-04:00

2009-05-03T17:21:00.005-04:00

"i appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
(romans 12:1-2.)

"if then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
(colossians 3:1-3.)

lovelightandmelody.org

2009-04-26T22:05:00.003-04:00

the pictures are phenomenal.

thank you, karma cream.

2009-04-25T00:49:00.005-04:00

vegan ice cream has become essential to my diet.
fair trade chocolate and mint chocolate chip.
mmmmmmm....yes, please.

how will i spend a summer without you, karma cream?

my cat peed on my shoes.

2009-04-24T00:16:00.002-04:00

it's true.
and when i say "shoes" i don't mean a pair.
think: multiple pairs.

perhaps this is a good thing.
it has inspired me to rid myself of more.
i still have far more than i need,
but at least this is a move in the right direction.

every thought a thought of You.

2009-04-23T01:53:00.002-04:00

every thought a thought of You.
no more thought, i ought to do.
when there’s not a thing we see
or touch we trust is true.
every thought a thought of You.

every look in search of You.
what need for books when we’re with you?
you wear a thin disguise,
O, Light within my brother’s eyes!
every look in search of You.

every song in praise of You.
our darkest nights are days to You.
the trees raise branches high
like arms in church to grateful sky,
every song in praise of You.

no one here to believe but You.
everyone else is bound to leave but You.
when we swear, my love is real, we mean
I like the way you make me feel.
there is no one here to believe but You.

kul-anaya fikr minh ka
abadan ahatmam enna ajab
hayya’alal falal qad qamadis alah
Haqq: la illaha il Allah

(mewithoutyou.)

and so it never ends.

2009-04-21T16:27:00.003-04:00

we are both acting so silly.
i wish you could see it.
i wish i could act differently.

it's all crazy! it's all false! it's all a dream! it's alright

2009-04-20T22:50:00.008-04:00

officially available may 19th,
but i got a leaked copy today.
absolutely fantastic.
no wonder they are my favorite.

percy anthony cruz blas.

2009-04-20T08:54:00.002-04:00

you are four today.
happy birthday, beautiful boy.

i am an idealist.

2009-04-20T08:49:00.001-04:00

more brilliance.

2009-04-14T23:29:00.003-04:00

"most of us get the things we need by buying them; most of us know only vaguely, if at all, where those things come from; and most of us know not at all what damage is involved in their production. we are almost entirely dependent on an economy of which we are almost entirely ignorant. the provenance, for example, not only of the food we buy at the store but of the chemicals, fuels, metals, and other materials necessary to grow, harvest, transport, process, and package the food is almost necessarily a mystery to us. to know the full economic history of a head of cauliflower would require an immense job of research. to be so completely and ignorantly dependent on the present abusive food economy certainly defines us as earth abusers. it also defines us as potential victims...the global economy (like the national economy before it) operates on the superstition that the deficiencies or needs or wishes of one place may safely be met by the ruination of another place. to build houses here, we clear-cut the forests there. to have air-conditioning here, we strip-mine the mountains there. to drive our cars here, we sink our oil wells there. it is an absentee economy. most people aren’t using or destroying what they can see. if we cannot see our garbage or the grave we have dug with our energy proxies, then we assume that all is well. the issues of carrying capacity and population remain abstract and not very threatening to most people for the same reason. if this nation or region cannot feed its population, then food can be imported from other nations or regions. all the critical questions affecting our use of the earth are left to be answered by ‘the market’ or the law of supply and demand, which proposes no limit on either supply or demand. an economy without limits is an economy without discipline."
(wendell berry. sex, economy, freedom and community.)

i do not suspect i will stop reading him anytime soon.

2009-04-14T18:38:00.009-04:00

"however destructive may be the policies of the government and the methods and products of the corporations, the root of the problem is always to be found in private life. we must learn to see that every problem that concerns us as conservationists always leads straight to the question of how we live. the world is being destroyed, no doubt about it, by the greed of the rich and powerful. it is also being destroyed by popular demand. there are not enough rich and powerful people to consume the whole world; for that, the rich and powerful need the help of countless ordinary people. we acquiesce in the wastefulness and destructiveness of the national and global economies by acquiescing in the wastefulness and destructiveness of our own households and communities. if conservation is to have a hope of succeeding, then conservationists, while continuing their effort to change public life, are going to have to begin the effort change private life as well...second, the realization that we ourselves, in our daily economic life, are causing the problems we are trying to solve ought to show us the inadequacy of the language we are using to talk about our connection in to the world. the idea that we live in something called “the environment,” for instance, is utterly preposterous. this word came into use because of the pretentiousness of learned experts who were embarrassed by the religious associations of “creation” and who thought “world” too mundane. but “environment” means that which surrounds or encircles us. it means a world separate from ourselves, outside us. the real state of things, of course, is far more complex and complicated and intimate and interesting than that. the world that environs us, that is around us, is also within us. we are made of it. we eat, drink, and breathe it. it is bone of our bone, flesh of our flesh. it is also a creation. a holy mystery, made for and to some extent by creatures, some but by no means all of whom are humans. this world, this creation belongs in a limited sense to us, for we may rightfully require certain things of it. the things necessary to keep us fully alive as the kind of creatures we are. but we also belong to it. and it makes certain rightful claims on us. that we care properly for it, that we leave it undiminished, not just to our children, but to all of the creatures who will live in it after us. None of this intimacy and responsibility is conveyed by the word environment."
(wendell berry. sex, economy, freedom and community.)

¿estás chicana?

2009-04-12T01:50:00.004-04:00

a hispanic man approached me at
the home sweet homeless potluck today.

¿estás chicana? he asked.

no. no, i wish, but i'm not.

¿no? pero su pelo quebrado...sus ojos.
¡que bonita, mamacita!
¿tengas novio? ¿hijos?

no. no hijos. no novio.

i proceeded to introduce myself.
he called me lorena, which i prefer anyhow.
his name was garcia.

¿hablas español? ¡ah...que bueno!

things were fine until he began to kiss my hand.
extensively.

i had trouble following his spanglish.
every once and a while i would hear something i recognized.

te amo.
necesito compañera, mamamcita.

and then...
vamanos a méxico.

he took my hand again and kept saying ahora. ahora mismo.

this is when duran came over.
which i was incredibly thankful for.

i became a little less uneasy,
and my spanish became a little more fluid.

eventually after a few more
que bonitas,
te amos
and kisses on the hand, he decided to leave.
needless to say, it was quite an experience.

the joy of sales resistance.

2009-04-09T17:47:00.002-04:00

wendell berry is a brilliant man.
i hope you are able to learn a bit from his wisdom:

actually, as we know, the new commercial education is fun for everybody. all you have to do in order to have or to provide such an education is to pay your money (in advance) and master a few simple truths:

i. educated people are more valuable than other people because education is a value-adding industry.

ii. educated people are better than other people because education improves people and makes them good.

iii. the purpose of education is to make people able to earn more and more money.

iv. the place where education is to be used is called "your career."

v. anything that cannot be weighed, measured, or counted does not exist.

vi. the so-called humanities probably do not exist. but if they do, they are useless. but whether they exist or not or are useful or not, they can sometimes be made to support a career.

vii. literacy does not involve knowing the meanings of words, or learning grammar, or reading books.

viii. the sign of exceptionally smart people is that they speak a language that is intelligible only to other people in their "field" or only to themselves. this is very impressive and is known as "professionalism."

ix. the smartest and most educated people are the scientists, for they have already found solutions to all our problems and will soon find solutions to all the problems resulting from their solutions to all the problems we used to have.

x. the mark of a good teacher is that he or she spends most of his or her time doing research and writes many books and articles.

xi the mark of a good researcher is the same as that of a good teacher.

xii. a great university has many computers, a lot of government and corporation research contracts, a winning team, and more administrators than teachers.

xiii. computers make people even better and smarter than they were made by previous thingamabobs or if some people prove incorrigibly wicked or stupid or both, computers will at least speed them up.

xiv. the main thing is, don't let education get in the way of being nice to children. children are our future. spend plenty of money on them but don't stay home with them and get in their way. don't give them work to do; they are smart and can think up things to do on their own. don't teach them any of that awful, stultifying, repressive, old-fashioned morality. provide plenty of tv, microwave dinners, day care, computers, computer games, cars. for all this, they will love and respect us and be glad to grow up and pay our debts.

xv. a good school is a big school.

xvi. disarm the children before you let them in.

i would like to be her.

2009-04-06T23:31:00.003-04:00

a small piece of wisdom.

2009-04-05T23:12:00.003-04:00

“if we could think locally, we would take far better care of things than we do now. the right local questions and answers will be the right global ones.”
(wendell berry.)

if i could think like this,
perhaps i wouldn't be so overwhelmed most of the time.

39 days.

2009-04-02T09:55:00.009-04:00

i've waited for two years.
now there are only 39 days remaining.

venice, italy.

florence, italy.

berlin, germany.

paris, france.

lucerne, switzerland.

i cannot wait until the photos are my own.

the university.

2009-04-01T12:09:00.001-04:00

only one more year.
thank god.
i could not do this again.

one for one.

2009-03-31T23:54:00.003-04:00

(photo courtesy of bryan johnson.)

still think this is the coolest.

2009-03-30T22:27:00.002-04:00

i need patience.

my computer is nearly dead.

2009-03-29T16:00:00.001-04:00

i hate that i'm dependent on these things.
maybe i should go back to film.

still human; still here.

2009-03-25T18:59:00.003-04:00

abbie trayler-smith has photographed some of the 300,000 asylum seekers whose claims have been refused but who now live without support. madelena, from angola, arrived in 2007.

more compelling images.

thank you, robert f. kennedy.

2009-03-23T22:45:00.002-04:00

"few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. thousands of peace corps volunteers are making a difference in isolated villages and city slums in dozens of countries. thousands of unknown men and women in europe resisted the occupation of the nazis and many died, but all added to the ultimate strength and freedom of their countries. it is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
(senator robert f. kennedy, june 6th, 1966.)

i will miss you, dear friend.

2009-03-22T13:25:00.006-04:00

i got the call this morning.
my heart was warmed,
seeing your name on the screen.
it had been since september.
you had said "cancer," and i had worried.

it was your sister brandy.
she sounds like you.
she asked how i knew you.
was so surprised to hear "gainesville."
she told me you were gone.
your funeral was yesterday.

"you must have been special to her," she said.
there weren't many numbers in your new phone.
thank you for putting me there.
thank you for allowing me to know you.

she and i cried together.
and i cried some more after the call ended.
zachary was here.
i can't believe it was coincidence.
we talked about you.
you meant so much to us.
i wish we could tell you again.

you have taught me so much about life.
i know i will only keep learning.
i love you, laurie turner.
i will not soon forget.

quiero ir.

2009-03-22T02:33:00.001-04:00

managua, nicaragua.
creo que cambio es posible.

north carolina was lovely.

2009-03-12T09:38:00.004-04:00

so much more to share...

the janjaweed in darfur.

2009-03-04T14:03:00.002-05:00

more illustrations of this conflict.

new-found love: coconut records.

2009-03-03T11:29:00.003-05:00

even cooler.
this is similar to my new polaroid.

thank you, david, for my moment of clarity.

2009-03-02T18:37:00.001-05:00

geneva wollett.

2009-02-28T00:49:00.003-05:00

you sounded lovely tonight.
especially amongst the carnie type.
so marvelous.

i'm getting older,

2009-02-27T16:58:00.001-05:00

but i am still just as naive.

today was not a day for bicycle riding.

2009-02-25T18:56:00.001-05:00

a car almost killed me today,
and a ped demolished my friend.
no bueno.

amazing.

2009-02-23T23:47:00.003-05:00

laminin.
a protein in the human body
that holds everything together.

"for by him all things were created:
things in heaven and on earth,
visible and invisible,
whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;
all things were created by him and for him.
he is before all things,
and in him all things hold together."
(colossians 1:16-17.)

lovely.

2009-02-18T00:21:00.002-05:00

a friend sent this to me today.
it's one of the most beautiful things
i have heard in a good while.

thank you, friend.

we have triumphed.

2009-02-17T12:47:00.007-05:00

we were debtors.
we were uncircumcised.
we were hostile.
we were transgressors.
we were dead.

but we were buried and raised up,
and it was canceled.

we have been forgiven.
we have been circumcised.
we have been disarmed.
we have been removed.
we have been made alive.

through him, because of him.
we have triumphed.

why i love the gainesville catholic worker house.

2009-02-16T13:36:00.002-05:00

"it is difficult to capture what a graced experience living at the gcw can sometimes be. many weeks, it is simply hard work and what i feel most is just tired. but i am coming to realize, after living here for nearly 5 years now, how much more there really is to see if one only has "eyes to see": the former guest who dumps out his sock drawer into a bag and tells me to give them out to people who need them, because he read on our chalkboard that we needed socks; the current guest who lovingly reads a picture book about skunks to our 3 year-old grandson after amazing our 11- and 13-year old with magic tricks; the couple of limited means who have financially supported us regularly since we opened our doors showing up for an overnight visit with armfuls of bagels and krispy kreme donuts; the 66 year-old homeless woman who regales us over dinner after wednesday's cafe with stories of her former career as a professional model and dancer and performs splits in our kitchen to show us she's still got "it;" the stunning mix of people--little kids and grandparents, black and brown and white, homeless people and students and working people--all being taught by our favorite egyptian cook how to make falafel, then sitting down to one celebration of saturday night dinner. loud. crazy, boisterous. beautiful. it is a sin that i am not more overcome by and grateful for the depth and beauty of this life and the lives around me every day."
(johnny zokovitch.)

las maquiladoras en méxico.

2009-02-16T01:31:00.004-05:00

quiero ayudar.

your music.

2009-02-05T21:32:00.002-05:00

when it becomes my own, it does not hurt as much.

play date. successful.

2009-01-27T20:48:00.004-05:00

ansel and davey jones are best friends now.
someone said it is because obama is our president.
i'm no so sure of the correlation,
but either was it was fantastic.
i'm glad i have a tolerant cat.

2009-01-25T01:50:00.002-05:00

i can't promise the things i use to.
the words i once sang no longer
hold the same meaning.

child malnutrition in niger.

2009-01-24T20:20:00.003-05:00

matt siber.

2008-11-06T02:03:00.003-05:00

part of the untitled project.
matt siber is brilliant.

free. at last.

2008-06-15T10:05:00.006-04:00

in this moment i am content.

i do not want.
i do not miss.
i do not hurt.

old expectations have disappeared.
old ideals do not consume me.

i am free.
free to experience the new.
free of the old.

i have been made anew.

a birthday prayer of thankgiving.

2008-05-18T23:47:00.000-04:00

thank you for choosing me, for creating me. thank you for claiming my heart, for the chance to experience beauty.

birthdays are strange. i don’t understand the purpose, the significance, the existence.
but i am thankful. i am thankful that i am here, now. thankful for the friends i have in my life. thankful for the people that love me, that care for me, that i love and care for. thankful for who Christ is, for what he has done, is doing and will do through me. i am thankful for the twenty years God has given me. thankful that this isn’t it. that as significant as twenty years is, that in the grand scheme, this is insignificant. i do not exist.

God, i am thankful for where i am at this moment. thankful for what i have come though, thankful for the time you have given me. i am thankful for the people you have put in my life, and God, if i do not wake tomorrow, i am still thankful because i don’t deserve a bit of what i have already been given.

but if i do wake, please continue to heal my heart. i am so thankful to be whole again, but God, i still have so far to go. i am trusting that You will carry me there. i am too weak to carry myself.

i do not know what i am supposed to be or who i am supposed to surround myself with, but i see what i have been given. i catch glimpses of beauty around me. i find bits of truth, and in that i pray i cling to You. i pray i will be able to discern truth from untruth, that i may be able to understand who you are a little more. i am still learning and growing, being shaped into someone different than i was yesterday, last week, last year. i am changing, yes, but God, i pray that in this change i may begin to look something a little more like who created me and a little less like whom i attempt to create.

a life that doesn't just keep taking.

2008-04-27T20:40:00.007-04:00

my final project for my photo class was on skeet surrency. he is a junior at the university of florida majoring in organic and sustainable agriculture. he has devoted his life to living as sustainably as possible. from growing his own organic vegetables to joining with fellow activists to rally for change, skeet has made visible changes to his life.

i'm not sure if you're aware, but

2008-04-12T01:35:00.013-04:00

i don't need you anymore.

you are gone, and i am free.

i thought there could be nothing better,

but you proved me wrong.

i longed for this day.

but now, now i have forgiven you.

i have moved on and learned who i am separate

from you.

i know the brokenness all too well.

i no longer wish to return it.

an epiphany. not so profound.

2008-04-08T01:39:00.003-04:00

i blindly trust those
whom i have great potential to be hurt by.

i struggle constantly to trust the only one
who has nothing but love for me.

things change. thank God, things change.

2008-04-04T01:28:00.003-04:00

i believe that sometime
the heart must experience true pain
to remember,
to appreciate the beauty
that it sees and feels and receives
daily.

oh, to feel whole again.
to not hurt from the brokenness.
oh, to not cling to the things that cause
so much pain. why is that we so desperately want
the things that break us?

i have seen, but am still
yet to learn. i understand,
yet i keep my eyes shut.
i seek freedom, and yet when
i am free, i seek
bondage.

camera in hand.

2008-03-04T21:24:00.001-05:00

i stumbled upon a beautiful
sight, camera in hand.
a palm stood, its dead leaves
wilting over themselves.
shadows casted across the sand
that told of the warmth
that painted the sky. once yellow,
then orange, now pink.
the brilliant hue sillouetted
the barren palm.
a frame of fronds appeared.
i raised the camera; its cold body
pressed against my nose.
steady hand. the fronds rustled
in the wind as it swept across
the pink reflections in the water.
camera in hand,
a moment encapsulated.
turn the knob. adjust the aperture.
not enough light. the coldness,
again, against my nose. the pink
fading fast. take another.
there is no time to waste.
little, less, nothing.
camera in hand, darkness all around.
nothing left except the pink,
the palm, burned into my LCD.

and my stomach still turns knots.

2008-03-04T10:10:00.003-05:00

photo story number one. complete.

i'm learning a lot about myself through this class. i now know that i am in no way cut out for this type of photojournalism. this semester has been so incredibly stressful, and it is entirely because of my photo class. i will never work for a newspaper. at least not in this way. i hate stress, especially when it's the driving force for a story. bleh.

here are the results. over 1000 images shot. ridiculous hours spent with my subject. on photoshop. in the lab. may i present: for better or for worse. you can read the captions at http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurennicolephotography/.

when i die,

2008-02-15T21:32:00.002-05:00

i want to be cremated.

thank you, joe nangle.

2008-02-11T01:36:00.001-05:00

"our society tells is to make our choices focusing on our own lives and the lives of those we love. but how often do we think of the lives of those people in our world we do not know? when we make a choice for out own lives, how does it affect the lives of people living in poverty? do we purchase from companies that support fair labor standards? do we invest our money in banks that support community development? do we require our stock companies to meet our ethical codes of conduct?"

restoration.

2008-02-10T13:35:00.000-05:00

i have experienced inexplicable beauty
in the midst of brokenness.

moments of clarity.
brief (but beautiful.)

i am learning to trust in this undeserved redemption.
to believe in what has freed me.
to rely on something so
much bigger than anything imaginable.

i read something beautiful today.

2008-01-30T23:20:00.000-05:00

separation.
by w.s. merwin.

your absence has gone through me
like thread through a needle.
everything i do is stitched with its color.

(untitled.)

2008-01-05T02:21:00.000-05:00

i picked you up off my shelf today.
you had fallen.
you rested in my palm.
wrapped and nipped and glued into existence.
i smiled at the amateur work.

strands matted with glue.
the kid's sticky fingers couldn't resist.
thought it was spectacular.
you just noticed what was missing.
asked me to fix it.
hardly acknowledged the work.
the attention.
the thought.

the trash can whispered,
"psst! i'm hungry."
i stared into its open mouth.
i debated.
you dangled.

it was a battle,
but no worries.
you won after all...

but so did i.
because you are there,
propped against the fish piggy bank,
reflected in its mirrored scales.
and i am here.
and i am loving,
and breathing,
and fighting.

goodbye two-thousand and seven.

2007-12-31T20:07:00.000-05:00

so this is the new year,
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal.
explosions off in the distance.

so this is the new year,
and i have no resolutions.
for self-assigned penance,
for problems with easy solutions.

so everybody put your best suit or dress on.
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once.
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn,
as thirty dialogues bleed into one.

i wish the world was flat like the old days,
then i could travel just by folding a map.
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways.
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

(the new year. death cab for cutie.)

tonight i was genuinely happy, and i am thankful for that.

2007-12-30T03:01:00.000-05:00

nights like tonight make me thankful that i am alive. still breathing. still experiencing. our world is beautiful. people are wonderful. i am thankful for relationships. for random conversations. for laughter.

i am not i.

2007-12-28T02:49:00.000-05:00

i am not i.
i am this one
walking beside me who i do not see,
whom at times i manage to visit,
and whom other times i forget;
who remains calm and silent while i talk,
and forgives, gently, when i hate,
who walks where i am not,
who will remain standing when i die.

(juan ramón jimenez.)